and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Barsexuality is the new black.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
