Yo dont text me then not text me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
