Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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