just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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