i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
