The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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