between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
