I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
