Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
