you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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