She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
NoShamevember. You game?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
