the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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