He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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