i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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