Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
