i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
