i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
