Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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