I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
