I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
