i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
