I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
