So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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