The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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