I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
