Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
