if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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