Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
