My friends, they love my intelligence
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
