did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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