Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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