i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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