fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
