He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
