i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
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someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
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Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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