his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
