there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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