She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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