My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
