we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
