I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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