i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
