I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
