tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
