Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
