I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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