I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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