Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.