so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
