All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.