I think scott just propositioned me for sex
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
