And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
bring money and cleavage
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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