I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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