my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
love makes seman taste better
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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