When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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