I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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