While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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