We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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