U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
