i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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