I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
