Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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