If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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