I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
