Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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