I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
