We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
