I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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