I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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