I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
