i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
