I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
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hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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