1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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