I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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