He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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