Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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