i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
