I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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