Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
